Save a Finger, Get a Chainmail Glove

After losing the tip of my left index finger (...twice), I decided it was time to take more serious measures. A chainmail glove, my friends, is the solution.

Regrets, I’ve had a few — but then again, too few to mention namely, both of the times I cut off a significant portion of my left index finger, while slicing spaghetti squash and the stems off of a bouquet of flowers, respectively. The first of these unfortunate incidents took place over a decade ago, and the latter just a few months back. While the top segment of said finger has thankfully been restored thanks to the kind souls at urgent care, each of these emergencies affirmed that when you’re handling very sharp knives, it takes only a split second to erroneously remove part of your corporeal form, and, subsequently, feel like an absolute idiot. While a Big Sharp Knife is most often the culprit, countless kitchen comrades have also fallen prey to the hungry maws of the mandoline, one of the most sinister offenders in this respect, as it’s truly inconceivable a cucumber can disappear behind its blade so quickly and suddenly render your fingers dangling prey.

So, what’s a home cook to do to avoid this cycle of Russian roulette? Even those among us with advanced knife skills find themselves occasionally falling victim to the finger chop (note the ubiquity of finger condoms on Top Chef). After my second trip to urgent care, I decided that it was time to take this matter a bit more seriously and look into the options available for a klutz like me. Enter my new favorite cooking companion: my chainmail glove.

A word on chainmail gloves: I recently discovered that there is actually this thing called the “ANSI Cut Scale” specifically used to designate how good a glove is at stopping your hand from getting cut up and becoming a bloody mess. Determined by the American National Standards Institute (ANSI) and International Safety Equipment Association (ISEA), it is shockingly scientific, demonstrated through a “Coup Test” that involves a “oscillating circular blade at a constant speed to measure the weight [mm] required to cut through the sample material,” and seemingly meant primarily for people working in dangerous industrial professions. An A1 rating is for “light protection,” while an A9 rating means you’re getting “extreme” protection. With this in mind, it’s pretty incredible that you can get an A9-level glove, like the one I bought, for a mere $14. That’s less than a turkey sandwich in this economy.

Now, I won’t lie — part of the appeal of buying a chainmail glove was that I’ve always wanted to experience medieval times (the actual era, not the dinner show, which I have attended) and this seemed like the closest I may ever get to having a chainmail ‘fit. I once purchased a chainmail halter top off Etsy for the Renn Faire and sadly I must report that that was not a very comfortable piece of clothing! The practical aspects of this glove made it feel like a far safer purchase. Advertised as A9-level (supposedly unbothered by being jabbed at with a circular saw) and made of food-grade stainless steel, it would offer a formidable barrier between my luscious finger meat and cutting board weapon of choice.

Photo by the author

The very first time I slipped the glove on, I murmured “the power glove” (perhaps just silently, within my own mind) and curled my fingers to feel its protective strength. My glove included two softer, still seemingly cut-proof fabric gloves, one grey and one white, to ostensibly go inside of the mesh one for comfort or extra-protective purposes. From the other Amazon reviews on this particular glove, I’m not 100 percent sure that these interior gloves are always included, but I think that the chainmail glove would still be functional without them, perhaps just less cozy-feeling on the hand.

At that moment, I was craving the decidedly French snack of radishes with butter, and with their globular form, radishes have always felt to me like a slip-prone target, a ticking time bomb of finger injury waiting to happen. Even a super-sharp knife at a slightly wrong angle could head in an unexpected direction, and since radishes are quite small, they’re hard to maintain control of as it is. I felt a newfound freedom with my stainless-steel mesh glove, an imperviousness to accidents that allowed me to confidently prepare my peppery, vegetal snack without the relentless paranoia to which I’d become accustomed.

I also tested some cuts on the substantial-feeling, grey-colored fabric glove alone and there were no snags, tears, or other indications of penetration even when I used my large Misen chef’s knife or my super sharp Our Place knife, pictured below in my grasp. It should be noted that I felt very safe taking this photo!

Photo by the author

One of the greatest benefits of a chainmail glove is its seemingly infinite application of uses. Beyond cooking, you could slip it on for any scenario where you’re prone to getting cuts, nicks, stabs, and pokes. It could be an anti-papercut sheath, or a tool for picking up your maladjusted hamster when you need to clean her cage. (True story: I had a very bite-y hamster in middle school and had to wear a gardening glove to handle her.)

Let’s revisit my personal finger-slicing tragedies for a moment. During one, I was attempting to cut a spaghetti squash — a large, smooth, round fruit that is practically begging for a knife to slide down its edge and onto one’s hand. During the other, more recent incident, I was trying to cut through the stems of about 20 flowers at once — again, admittedly, not a great idea. But there are countless other situations when blood may be drawn in the kitchen. Grating cheese, for instance, can be more perilous than one might expect, and certainly shucking oysters, if you’re brave enough to do that at home (I, personally, am not). This glove is your ride-or-die for any of the above scenarios, and plenty more that may arise.

Photo by the author

Now, I feel extremely safe using this particular glove, and confident in its A9 rating. But if you want to spend a few more bucks, Schwer also makes a ProGuard-X “highest level” cut-resistant glove that is slightly more medieval-looking (aka, sexier) and is pictured with a chainsaw attacking it to demonstrate its aggressive level of protection. While I have not tested the ProGuard-X, it might be the go-to for the ultimate protection.

Ultimately, a chainmail glove should be a staple of every home, and certainly those of even mildly clumsy home cooks; mine protects my digits when I’m making mirepoix but will also be a useful accessory next time I hit the Renn Faire or need to handle a falcon. Slice away with freedom, friends.

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