Throwing away all the ingredients in my fridge and freezer showed me that I’ve been grocery shopping wrong
Following 10 days of mandatory evacuation due to Los Angeles’s Eaton Fire, and an additional two weeks abroad on a pre-planned vacation, I am finally home. A lot of things feel different now. For starters, the house smelled like chemicals from all the burnt plastic and electronics in the air, and every surface was coated with a fine layer of ash. There were three-week-old dirty dishes in the sink, a sight (and smell) I would not wish upon anyone. And, since there had been no power for over a week, almost everything in my refrigerator and freezer had to be disposed of.
I’m guessing that most people, unless they move a lot, rarely or never empty out their fridge or their freezer. Sure, there are times when you finally toss that freezer-burned chicken breast or bag of frozen strawberries you bought when you thought you’d make smoothies every day. Otherwise, the freezer is typically a treasure trove of goodies squirreled away for future meals. My freezer was so overstuffed I often struggled to slam the door shut.
Ironically enough, I had told some colleagues that my new year’s resolution was to get through all the stuff in my freezer. And now, in a twisted turn of events, I’ve fulfilled my resolution. Having a completely empty fridge and freezer has brought forth a lot of complex feelings. At the forefront is a sense of gratitude: aside from our scorched front bushes and a tree ripped down during the windstorm, food was the only major loss we experienced.
But as I was emptying my freezer, I realized that I tend to excessively stockpile items, especially things I love and can’t easily access, for uses that never materialize. My favorite sour Thai sausages that require a drive across LA ended up in the trash because I never actually cooked them. Passionfruit juice that I collected from my mom’s bountiful passionfruit harvest the previous year was also discarded because I couldn’t decide whether to drink it, use it for a tart, or keep it for smoothie bowls. There were even beautiful bone-in ribeye steaks I had bought for Thanksgiving before I opted to make a prime rib instead.
I hardly think I’m the only person who does this, but actually visualizing the amount of food I stored in my fridge and freezer, and how much of it had to be tossed, made me realize how much more mindful I need to be when it comes not only to grocery shopping, but also utility. I’m not sure why I feel the need to stockpile; perhaps it’s the result of anxiety, or the trickling effects of growing up in an immigrant household with a grandma who experienced extreme food insecurity. Regardless, it seems like an unhealthy way to view food — that certain things can only be enjoyed in sparse, sacred increments. I barely dipped into the truffle-infused mustard or lavender and apricot jam I bought in Paris last summer. But if I’ve already spent my hard-earned money on these things, items that will legitimately expire (even in a freezer), then who does this scarcity mindset help?
As I slowly begin refilling my fridge and freezer, I find myself asking when and how I’ll use an ingredient before buying it. I typically cook based on vibes instead of any real prepping, filling my appliances with ingredients I figure I’ll use eventually: chicken thighs, a large bottle of Kewpie mayonnaise, a tub of miso paste. Instead of purchasing ingredients for the sake of purchasing them, I want to approach my grocery shopping with a clearer sense of purpose — and a game plan to actually find utility for everything I buy. In fact, I want to make a point of not overstuffing my fridge or freezer. It’s annoying to shuffle everything around when I’m trying to find a specific item for a recipe. And if I never see or use something that’s been shoved to the back of the fridge, this cycle of waste will continue.
If you also struggle to use up ingredients because you’re saving them for a rainy day, let this be my message to you: cook with your ingredients! Use that fancy spice blend, or whisk that matcha you bought in Japan and only pull out on big occasions. Spread those special preserves on a nice slice of bread and bake those frozen cookie dough balls for yourself. Trust me, it’s better to enjoy those things, even in temporary and brief moments of bliss, than to not use them at all.
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